Where is the love?
We have reached a time in our lives where the process of falling in love and getting married is becoming more of a trend of the past rather than something that we grow old dreaming about.
Sustainable love, in other words a committed relationship, is starting to become extinct. "I want someone, but I don't want to be attached, do you know what I mean?"
What do you even call that? Why is there this whole negative stamina wrapped around the idea of being Facebook-official or 'in a relationship' status that people run away from, as if it is becoming the next plague?
Welcome to 2015, people.
The photo above was a picture I had taken in Cancun, Mexico a couple of years ago when I was the happiest I had ever been in my life (even though I had just tumbled in Coral hehe). At that time in my life, I never would have thought I would be in the same thought process that I am in today - why is it becoming more popular for people to deny commitment with any significant other, and yet it's totally okay for those in a committed relationship to be talking, flirtatiously, with other people too?
The "I do what I want" attitude that people (guys AND girls) possess about relationships and / or being single, is one of the reasons why so many people who are ridin' solo are so miserable. "I just can't seem to find anyone that I like".
Here's how this epidemic works: He's talking to her while getting on with her while hanging with her, meanwhile she's talking to this guy while she's got a no-strings-attached intimate friendship with this dude and dating so-and-so on the side. Is this really becoming an acceptable way to live life? Like what I'm trying to wrap my brain around, is can you really fall in love this way? Or is 95% of the population just in the wrong mindset about relationships? What is going to happen when you actually find someone that you like unexpectedly, and you have three other 'potentials' on the go and you have to tell them that you've started to see someone else exclusively... Will they all accept and move on? Some may fight back.
One thing that many people come across, and I've been guilty of this just as much as others have, is wondering at the back of your mind what if with someone you had been with in the past. What if I gave them a second chance. Or third chance. Or eighth chance. What if we had the opportunity to start all over. Those are the people that our hearts have grown attached to and no matter how hard we try and move forward and seek that same love in others, our hearts will always wander back and make us think. As sad as it is, our heart is always right. That feeling in your gut? Trust it. Those butterflies? They're real. Yep, there are real butterflies that are legitimately making their way around your stomach with your protein shake you had this morning for breakfast.
Back on track. The thing is, the more that time flies, the more we grow externally, internally, and intellectually. The fact that we keep venturing back to a particular individual is because there is a piece of us that has grown on them that some of us may want back in order to move on and forget about it, while others may just want that other person back in their life.
I can't count how many times I've been asked by my relatives, "Richelle when are you going to get yourself a nice boy and get your life going? You're going to have the cuuuuuttteesssttttt little blonde babies and whoever you marry is going to be one lucky guy"... It's probably the same amount that I think please get off of my back I am going to live on my own with adopted children and a big dog, but at the same time I also think because I haven't met anyone else that makes me tick. If I do meet someone, they're the type that make it seem like they want a committed relationship, but before you know it you're running in the opposite direction because they're in love with being single.
Be single then. But I am sure many people can agree, it's not worth investing your time and energy getting to know someone when you're fully aware that they have zero intent in making whatever it is that you have going on into something worthwhile in the long run; committed, sustainable love.
No, people, you aren't going to be 'single' forever. You (we) are just caught in a gross trend that people think it's okay to have 3-5 people on the go at once. I think what is important to remember here is that in order for us to find Mr or Mrs Right, we must first love ourselves and not let anyone love us any less. Correct?
There's no right or wrong way to move forward with life so to speak. Some people never move on. But praise to those who wake up every damn day no matter how hard it is and push on with a smile; you're all champs.
Food for thought, happy weekend.
8/22/2015 03:25:39 pm
This was the most heartfelt and genuine description of love today. You are SPOT ON. Good for you for being the girl who doesn't settle and isn't afraid to speak up about how you feel. You truly inspire me Richelle, I'm not saying that because I enjoy you as a human and a friend. I'm saying that because when I see an update on your blog I get excited to read it. In fact, I usually drop what I'm doing in that moment to take time to really read it. Well done babe. 💜
L-O-V-E ... Is something that is nurtured... The online commodity of find a date every day via dating websites oddly enough is the dark side. The ease of which to find "compatibles" shouldn't be confused with the ease to find true love. The ease of communication in today's world is almost a detractor in having to work for a relationship... Pictures posted every second along with where you are and what you are doing takes away from IMHO the process of conversation. In today's world, we are rarely "apart" from one another... Constantly attached via some electronic device... We need time to be alone 1st with ourselves, find love for ourselves and then extend it to others. I've always said that "If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Richelle, I've told you on many occasions not to settle for just anyone, but find that person that makes your heart flutter every time you think of them... My heart has been fluttering for 30+ years... Monogamy is out there amongst the Ashley Madison bullshit, but it starts with a commitment and honesty from within. If you don't want to play "games", then stay away from the toy store.
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