you can't start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last.
I WILL ADMIT - For the past few months, I have been in a very dark headspace. What I thought was going to be an amazing year, has been one of the most challenging ones to bet.
All I wanted was clarity. I wanted confirmation. I wanted the chapter I was in to end. But like all things in life, we want what we can't have, and many times, we learn that the hard way. I was in the most claustrophobic, anxiety-driven box that closed me in so tight that I was running out of oxygen.
This time, my learning was extra shitty. I hate being so smart in ways that I just know something is up, and when I receive that confirmation, it makes me wish I had just been oblivious the entire time. Well... C'est la vie.
UNHAPPINESS CAN ONLY BE DRIVEN BY YOURSELF. I know this. My unhappiness was wearing off on everything around me. I lost my drive to do what I love the most - fitness. I also lost my passion to write and hadn't even broken open my journal since November, what kind of garbage is that?
It's not that a little birdy told me that I should pick my pen up again. I just realized that you know what, if I really wanted it and really wanted to make time for my passions again, I needed to dedicate that time in my day to do those things. This included my training and mental development.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job and I am so unbelievably lucky to be in the position that I'm in. But being that I was in such a dark frame of mind, I knew something had to change in order for me to start thriving again.
TRUST YOUR GUT.
Consider it a blessing or a curse, but being intuitive to my mind/body/soul has helped me learn some of life's hardest lessons. Knowing that something is going to happen before it actually happens sucks at times... take it for what it is. But one of the biggest benefits to it is that I have learned how to not invest all of my time and energy into one singular thought or action. I am resistant, but not afraid to pop the gun when I need to. Life is about taking chances and trusting the process. I am so lucky that I have pulled out of this darkness completely. It's pretty sketchy in that box, not going to lie.
All I can say for now is that it feels good to be typing my thoughts down again. It's good to be back.
All my love, friends.
Providing you with the knowledge that I encounter on a daily basis through my fitness lifestyle.