the beauty of being alone and uncomfortable

this is one to write home about.
i left, i was alone, i was out of my comfort zone, and i loved it.

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It's a very cold and rainy day back in Kelowna. I've settled down in front of my Mac with a cup of tea in my favourite Ugg slippers probably looking like the biggest basic bitch you can picture in your mind, or perhaps a university student lacking sleep trying to crush out a paper. Thankfully I can confirm that the above visuals are untrue. I just got in from meetings at work and feeling antsy about writing my post about my holiday. 
The question is, where do I start.

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the send off

september 11: It's the morning of my departure and I just got in from what could have been one of my fastest workouts. I had trained my ass off to lose a couple pounds before I left, as I knew I was going to be in a bikini and, well, body image issues. I was so nervous to leave home I was literally sick to my stomach, with minimal appetite. I was about to hop on a plane and fly to the other side of the world... alone.
Alone.
That was the part that I had a really tough time grasping, the fact that I was doing this by myself. When I had first thought of travelling at the beginning of the year, I had always pictured it with a partner, being a dynamic duo exploring the world together.
Fast forward to my post-depressive state this July, I said to myself you know what? Fuck it! Why am I wasting my time waiting for Mr. Right to come along to travel with me when I could surely do all of this on my own. So I booked a flight to Germany, and went on from there. 
I had heard amazing things about Contiki holidays from several of my friends back at home, so I did some deeper investigating and found one that I was keen on. So I booked an island-hopping tour in Croatia. The rest of my trip happened by sheer coincidence over a three-week span.

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Mum dropped me and my Dora the Explorer backpack off at the airport that morning and she cried like a mother normally does. I got on that plane and as soon as it lifted off, my anxiety actually settled to my surprise. I did my best to keep myself busy on the flight with movies and podcasts, writing and copious amounts of The Lumineers. I had fallen asleep I suppose it would have been when I was flying over Greenland, but woke up flying over what I would have guessed to have been the U.K., and the sunrise was something I will never forget.

​The Beauty of Being Alone and Uncomfortable

when i woke, i saw what was
the beginning of a new day
the sun began to rise
like lava under an old carpet
only to break through to reveal
i was above the clouds
cotton candy sky
that's when i realized 
that in these moments, we want to share
when in reality
they are better observed 
solely, independently, alone
and thats okay
it's my line of sight

​-written by yours truly

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arrival

september 12-14: You ever hear people say "I have arrived"? Ha... well here's another one for you.
My first few days were spent in Germany and a taste of Austria. I indulged in German beer, experienced the rather harsh German culture, and witnessed the rather consistent architecture of the German countryside. Standard white or brown houses with brown roofs, beautiful florals pouring out the windows, grass that is so green it looks fake. I was absorbing it all like a sponge. I saw where The Sound of Music was filmed, I stood on the Salzburg Lock Bridge (and didn't lock one on, sorry), and saw Berchtesgarden, which is where Hitler's Eagle Nest is, and yes it gave me goosebumps too. All in all, Germany and Austria were great, but I was still antsy about the rest of my trip.
Bring on Croatia.

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unfamiliar

september 14: My arrival into Split was a night full of lucid experience. I couldn't believe this place, it had beauty I didn't think existed. The people were so incredibly friendly. I felt like I was at home, but I knew no one. 
I took myself out for dinner at one of the fancy cafés along the boardwalk in Split, told the waiter to order me whatever he wanted and I took in the sunset with the best Aperol Spritz I ever had (sorry JOEY, I know I work for you but damn this was good).

How am I here?! I was pretty exhausted this day, it was a big day with flights down from Munich. I finished my dinner and head back to my hotel to edit a few photos and call it a day. Tomorrow, the real holiday begins. 

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sail

september 15: Hello, Contiki family! Spent the day meeting everyone, which if you know me was a fun (actually excruciatingly difficult) time really breaking out of my shell. We had some swim stops, 'hydration' at our disposal and hot, hot heat. We pulled into Makarska, which was our first stop for the week. After exploring the town, we got back to the boat for dinner and night one of #confessions. 
Happy Hour kicked off nicely with bevies, outrageous singing and 'never have I ever'. This was the moment that 22 strangers became family, and we realized that there would be no room for secrets on this trip. This was the moment I fell in love with each and every one of them. 

september 16: Korčula. This was the cutest little town, with plenty of olive trees outlining the island and an unbeatable sunset. We kicked the night off having bright, colourful cocktails at the top of a castle. Following that, a group of us did a wine tasting, found in the midst of the tiny cobblestone streets accompanied with the most delicious prosciutto and cheese I have tasted.
I don't want this holiday to end. I wanted more. 

september 17+18: Rolling into Dubrovnik like...
This is the area of Croatia you see most touristy photos in, where parts of the Game of Thrones was filmed, and of course, the most beautiful place on earth. We spent two days here, exploring Old Town and familiarizing ourselves with the slippery limestone walking streets. Day one we actually kayaked to a cave for a swim. I'll let the next photo do the visual explanation. 

The second day, we explored the Walls of Dubrovnik, where we dressed in very typical touristy outfits and had the time of our lives taking photos to prove so (please refer to my opening photo of this blog post for example one). ​

Dubrovnik was the place I felt like I couldn't get enough of. It's then I realized that there is so much more to Croatia that I needed to see, which already had my wheels turning in my head for my next holiday. The air, the water, the people, it didn't seem like it was real.

Our last night in Dubrovnik we actually went to one of the top 40 clubs in the world, Club Revelin. At this point of the trip most of us had started to feel run down and tired, we had a few big nights in a row (sorry mum) and were literally at the point of breaking. But we thought, if we get the opportunity to see this club, we would be stupid not to go. "We will go in, have a look for 15 minutes, and leave back to the boat" was the discussion with a few of us.
Well, we went alright, and they played banger after banger after banger, and if you know me, that means full send with my dance moves (not that I hadn't done so already every night, but if a banger is on, I'm just letting you know, it's on). Luckily we escaped before 1:00am and got back to the boat in one piece.

september 19: Trstenik (pronounced tristenik). This is a small village of approximately 80 people, and used primarily for the production and distribution of wine. We had a lovely wine tasting by a sweet local lady who owns one of the wineries in town with her husband. This was also the theme night, where we all dressed as sailors or pirates and head off to a beach bar nearby. Two of the girls had polaroid cameras which captured a few moments of Happy Hour that night, you can see me in the 3rd photo from the left on the top row braiding Ollie's hair. Don't ask, friends, just accept!
september 20: Hvar, aka the celebrity town of Croatia. This is essentially the land of the rich and famous where people roll in with their million dollar yachts and stroll the streets in fancy attire. The setting is beautiful, but this was the night I really started to feel run down, my voice started to disappear, and the entire crew got sick. It was bound to happen, we were having all of the good times every single night for a week straight on minimal sleep, it was done to ourselves, and there was no way of avoiding it unfortunately.

september 21: Back to split. Pictured above is all of us jumping off the top of our boat at once, followed by an insane amount of saltwater to the nose and possibly permanent bruises. This was our last night as a family, and I tell you was I ever emotional (definitely bawled my eyes out during Happy Hour). I had grown to love these people so much, and assure you that each and every one of them has a piece of my heart. It was time to wrap up the trip, and even though we all felt like balls, we pulled it together for one last MAJOR hurrah before we made our departure the next day. During the day this day I spent time reflecting on what I had learned in my time in Croatia, and although most of the memories made past 10:00pm were hazy, my biggest takeaway was that I felt confident in developing relationships with people anywhere in the world. I've spent my entire life on the North American continent, doing small trips here and there but it was always with others. This takeaway made me realize that there is so much more out there in the world than the one I live in, and that in itself was truly beautiful. Although I was sad to leave these people, I was ready to take on the next chapter of my travels.

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a school of scandinavian fish

september 22: Arrived to Gothenburg toting the biggest headache of my life from the previous night. My cold had completely settled in, but I was promising myself that it was going to go away. It was just a chest cold after all, right...? I strolled the streets of Gothenburg and my thought was holy shit, everyone looks like me.
​Growing up, I was teased because my hair was so blonde and I had such fair skin. People thought my eyes were strange because they were dark rimmed with a light blue centre... but looking around here in Sweden I was shocked by how many other people accompanied the same features. My people!!! I thought. It felt refreshing and strange all at the same time. I settled into my adorable little hotel, took the first real hot shower I had been able to take in over a week and cuddled up in bed watching Swedish TV. I couldn't wait to get to Denmark the next day.

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Exploring my roots

september 23-26: Denmark. Although I am only 1/4 Danish, it occupies my most dominant physical features. The blonde hair, fair skin, the nose, the blue eyes, the height... everything about myself was Scandinavian. It was really interesting to be able to experience it at the reach of my fingertips. I had fallen extremely ill when I arrived to Denmark, resulting in a bacterial lung infection along the lines of pneumonia. The healthcare system in Denmark was so gracious and got me in right away, but my energy was gone, my body hurt everywhere, I had a raging fever and felt like I was suffocating. All. The. Time. 
I was pretty much on my death bed for my entire visit in Denmark, which was the last thing I wanted. I was under the care of my incredible family, who made me the most delicious soup and toast, just like my mum would if I was at home. I did have some amazing highlights from my time in Denmark though.
On the 24th I saw Blåvand. This is the west coast of Jutland, where my Morfar (mother's father) learned how to swim. It's essentially the tofino of Denmark, about 3.5 hours west of Copenhagen. I had my wind blown back at the top of the lighthouse there, taking in the view while raindrops whipped me across my cheeks. That afternoon I enjoyed real smørrbrød, or more commonly known as open-faced sandwiches, with the eldest member of the family Herta, who is about 92 years old. The photo above is the house that she along with my great grandmother and all of their siblings grew up in. Herta doesn't speak a lick of English, but it was so warming to hear her laugh and converse with the other family members. 
The 25th I was able to muster up a bit of energy to explore Copenhagen, which is an extremely busy city. I had the opportunity to see where the Royal Family of Denmark lives, and saw Nyhavn which used to be an old part of town where the sailors would come to party at night with women at their disposal. It's now a tourist attraction, lined with many cafes and restaurants. 
Denmark was all in all, beautiful. I wish I hadn't been so sick to take in more, but that just means I will go back.

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Did it for the amstergram

september 26-october 1: Conclusion. I spent the tail end of my trip with my cousin and her family in Amsterdam. Originally from Denmark, she was able to incorporate a little more of the Danish heritage I was seeking while I was over there. While in Amsterdam, I was able to witness how wild the biking situation is and actually got to experience it myself biking along the countryside. And yeah, I can also confirm that the amount of weed floating around this city almost levels up to what we see here in British Columbia.
Amsterdam was all in all gorgeous. It was a city that reminded me so much of Vancouver in relation to the busy-ness of the city, and how accepting the culture is. Towards my last few days of my time in Amsterdam, I could feel that I was starting to miss my routine at home, just a little.

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trip of my life

Flying home yesterday I was bagged after spending more than 20 hours on planes. No, I didn't want to put my holiday to an end, but I needed to get home to get back to being healthy. My sickness is slowly starting to get better, but my super sexy voice would tell you otherwise.
I loved every minute of my trip. I can confidently say that I am walking away from these three weeks with absolutely no regrets on what I did. I'm broke as fuck, but I have a mind full of incredible memories that I will cherish always. 
The biggest takeaway from my trip though was what I learned. I wanted to be uncomfortable, I wanted to be pushed out of my routine, I wanted to learn how to love being alone. And yeah, I crushed those goals. It's crazy to sit back and look at how much you can grow as an individual in a short timeframe. I realized that there is so much more out there in this world that people need to experience. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone was one thing, but learning how to love being alone was the healthiest thing I could have done for my anxiety. 
If you're thinking about travelling, go. Book a flight. Start planning. Think about what you want to achieve while you're away. Make that your goal. I've only shaved a small portion off the iceberg of travel, and I can assure you this won't be my last solo trip. 
This was the best trip of my life, this was the beauty of being alone and uncomfortable.
<3